The Author Spotlight Series shines a light on writers creating heartfelt and original work across genres, giving them an opportunity to talk about their books and why they do what they do.
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“Ramona Vizitiu was raised in Romania. She moved to Canada at the age of 25 together with her family. There she continued her career in the legal field for 11 more years until her life took a dramatic turn following the transition of her baby Mia. Ramona lives with her two other beautiful daughters, Arianna and Sonia, and her husband, Eugen, in Toronto”.
When did you know you wanted to be a writer?
I have always loved writing. I have been writing short fiction stories starting in Grade 1, taking advantage of literature assignments in school to be guided in and fulfill my love for writing. My teachers encouraged me to write, and my stories were “showcased” to students in various grades, even in higher grades. I participated through the school in fiction writing contests in the province I was living in. In high-school (around 1995) I started writing poems and began writing my first novel, which was based on the life of one old male character that kept getting younger. The story would end with him at the moment of his birth. Even though I wrote a good part of it, I never finished the novel due to intense tutoring before applying to Law School in the final high-school year, but the idea never left my mind. Imagine my surprise when the movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button came out in 2008, about 10 years after I started my novel with the same plot. By that time I had given up writing as I could never find the time while studying law, then immigrating to Canada and starting my new career in law here.
Following the passing of my third daughter in 2020, I used writing as a healing method, a way of both honoring my daughter’s life, and also of letting other bereaved parents know that you can survive and build a new life for yourself following the loss of a child. My healing journey began unfolding year after year after Mia passed. With its ups and downs, it was different in the first year, second and third. I had the opportunity to share my experience at various times in my grief, in three different anthologies of “real stories”. After the publishing of the third anthology, I realized that I never want this healing to end and that I want to keep writing about the new way I see life following the tragedy of losing my daughter. My spiritual awakening following the loss of baby Mia has begun, and the writing will never stop. For my own healing, the healing of others, and as a legacy for my living daughters.
Do you remember the first thing you ever wrote?
I was in Grade 1 and we had to write an essay about the four seasons. I gave life to all seasons and turned them into male and female characters. I created a plot in which the seasons interacted with each other through silly discussions and even sillier actions. There was also a narrator of the story, so it became more like a play than just a story. I imagined the mystical garments of the characters and the way they were moving in this play, interacting with each other. When I read it in front of the class, it brought me such joy. It is one of my fondest memories.
How did you develop your skills?
I still remember the day when my parents bought a whole library of books from a family that was moving away from our city. I was about 10 years old. Hundreds and hundreds of books, all for me to read. I devoured each and every single one of those books, and couldn’t have enough. The books were both fiction and non-fiction, and I realized the different writing styles that come with each of these categories. Moreover, I realized that each author has a unique way of unfolding the story, some straying away from the conventional ways we were taught in school. It was an eye opener for me, knowing that you don’t have to follow some rules to make a beautiful piece of art. I continued reading constantly throughout the years, diving into English literature in my 20s, which helped me become fluent in English long before I moved to Canada. I also have to say that going through four years of law school also helped me develop my writing skills. All that analytical thinking we were taught and the necessity for clear, concise language, helped me write my stories with a good, logical foundation.
Who are some of your biggest literary influences? Do you have a favourite book/author?
As a child, I was fascinated with the Legends of Olympus series, by Alane Adams. I lived those stories in my imagination for years after. I even believed the stories were true, probably due to the intricate details in the stories. Once I grew out of novels like that one, as a young adult, I dug into detective novels, dramas and love stories. The names of the authors will mean nothing to you, as they were giants in Romanian literature, but not known internationally. From English literature, I enjoyed novels like Dune by Frank Herbert, Don Quixote by Miguel the Cervantes, and The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger.
How would you describe your work?
You will feel my emotions all throughout my stories. When words pour out of me and I fill up page after page, I try not to take anything out when editing, as it is the raw feeling that I want to express through my writing. I find that, through expressing those raw emotions, I heal, and I let my readers know that I opened my heart to them. My readers are not seekers of drama, they are seekers of healing, and they find themselves in my raw emotions, because they live them too. And that is where the healing begins. By exposing the raw wound and not suppressing the pain in a dark corner of your mind. We, bereaved parents, have to do the hard work of grief, and one of the requisites if you want to heal is to let your emotions out and scream your pain, otherwise those emotions will destroy you as a human being. I should add though that my writing is not meant to bring sadness to the readers, in fact it’s the opposite. The most important thing I want to bring forward through my writing is that you can still live your life with purpose after a tragedy. There is hope after a tragedy. I encourage my writers to not give up on life and to cherish every moment of their existence on Earth.
What’s your writing process like?
I like to believe that I write my books together with my daughter in spirit, Mia. I write in big chunks, and never a page or two at a time. It feels like “intuitive” or “automatic” writing when I type. Words pour out of me and I fill page after page and I don’t look back. The moment I stop writing, I feel exhausted mentally and I can’t even look at what I wrote. It has to be later in the day or the next day. The emotions are too strong. Sometimes I wonder at the words or expressions that came out of me, if they are not part of my vocabulary, but I attribute them to automatic writing and I am grateful for them (the automatic writer in me is more “sophisticated” in writing than the real-life me).
Tell us about your most recent book.
The subject of my work is finding the meaning of life after losing a child and the survival of the soul after physical death.
I have published my work in two books in the second half of 2022. I co-authored one of the books, Walking in the Light of Our Kids, with Claudia Neagu. It was published in August 2022. It is an anthology of real life stories about how fourteen mothers lost their children and, most importantly, how they then found them in spirit. Their kids are still part of their lives. This book embraces the idea that love never dies while crossing the veil back and forth, and the idea that there is no death. The children’s joyful spirit shines through every story. The mothers describe how they walk this journey not alone, but rather with the children by their side, providing guidance every day. Their children’s light helps them find their strength to move forward in learning how to live, not just to survive. They know this is the best way to keep their kids’ memory alive until they too return home when it is their time. Regardless how their children transitioned to the other side, the mothers’ pain is devastating. Walking the path of life together, holding hands, makes the pain less unbearable. The day of being reunited with their kids will be glorious. Until then, the mothers are on a mission to continue to spread their love and to leave their own mark on this Earth.
The second book, Finding the Way by Immigrant Writers Association, was published in October 2022. My part of the book is based on the teachings of the Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh. His teachings came into my life without me looking for them. I don’t believe in coincidences though. Thich Nhat Hanh dismissed the idea of death. “Birth and death are only notions,” he wrote in his book “No Death, No Fear.” “They are not real.” Reading this while I was still in raw grief became the catalyst of my awakening. My chapter is the story of the beginning of my awakening.
What are you working on now/next?
I would like to continue contributing in anthologies, either authored by me or authored by others. The power of many stories together is great. It’s like, when learning about a rose, you smell the whole flower, and not just a petal. Or like, when trying to water the garden of your mind, you sprinkle water all over, not just in a corner. I learned to appreciate anthologies a long time ago, and I like the idea of people working together for the greater good. There are several bereaved mothers that, after reading my anthology, have expressed an interest in sharing their stories of healing and hope with the world. So a new anthology is in the works, with the same subject: finding the meaning of life after losing a child and the survival of the soul after physical death.
I will also publish another book in 2023. Three years have passed since my daughter Mia has left this world. My whole life has changed dramatically. There are many things I would like to share with the world about my spiritual awakening and my healing journey, that I haven’t even touched in my other publications. It feels like a purpose now, to share my experience, to help other mothers. Just like the other ones, it will be a book about hope and healing. The book will cover the following topics: “survival tools” I used in my raw grief, stories from my awakening journey, stories of signs and synchronicities, my past life regression experiences, my “paranormal” experiences following Mia’s passing, other people’s “paranormal” experiences related to death, my view on mediums and mediumship, and much more.